Blackpool is in a very strange place!

My appointment for the colposcopy arrived about 2 weeks after my evil letter. For those who don't know a colposcopy is where they use a binocular type thing to have a look at your cervix.

My mum came with me to the appointment, proving the old adage that you always need your mum! We were delayed by an hour and the fear was gripping me deeper and deeper. In my head I was counting down the minutes to being told I had cancer. The only light relief was my mum nipping off to the ladies and coming back saying "I know equality is important, but putting urinals in the ladies toilets is going a bit far!". I need to point out that I had been to the ladies already and knew there were no urinals in there...my mum had just been to the Mens!

I got called in to see the consultant and sat in yet another waiting room, this one surrounded by posters about cancer - as if I needed reminding! When I eventually went in to see the consultant he explained they would have a good look and might even try to remove the nasty cells whilst I was there.

Going into the examination room I was met by two rather cheerful nurses who told me to "pop off" my pants, get in the stirrups, and await the Doctors arrival. Unfortunately they did not warn me that the colposcopy camera was already on and I turned and was greeted with a 20inch view of my vagina. Trust me when I say this - no one needs to see that!

When the consultant arrives he faffed around for a while and squirted some solution on my Cervix. When i glanced at the screen the whole thing was lit-up like Blackpool! I took that as a bad sign, made even worse by the Doctor rushing off to get the Consultant and proceeding to whisper, not very quietly, how I had "high-grade" changes that were "all over". Thanks for the compassion Mr Doctor Man! As if its not bad enough being laid legs-akimbo for everyone in a 10 mile radius to see on a big screen, you have to slip that little gem out.

Now, I think my reaction was most mature: I cried! I didn't only cry, but had a full on paddy fit, and when the Nurse told me to calm down and ask me about where I was going on holiday I politely reminded her that she was a Nurse, not a sodding hairdresser!!!!

When it was all over, and the tears mopped-up and me breathing normally, aided by singing the whole of "My Favourite Things" from the Sound of Music, I was ushered back into the Consultants Office. He informed me that a lot of my cervix was affected, but that the biopsies should hopefully confirm that it wasn't cancer, but not to worry as I could have my operation under general anaesthetic as the cells were high and awkward - well I have always been a very awkward person so I expected no less!